The thing about appletinis is the girly taste conceals the alcohol and you can get knocked assways by slugging them as if they're just fru-fru. Dave has an appletini story to go along with many more sad-but-funny alcohol tales. He's had an alcohol problem starting way back in the 60s but mercifully, Connie came to the rescue there, too just like she did with his amore addiction. The funny part of OD on alch stories is only possible when the guy telling them is still alive and nobody else in the story gets hurt either. Like when Dave's buddies let Ozzie who was so drunk he was barely awake crawl into his car which the boys started for him and actually place his hands on the steering wheel told him to look ahead and go which he did as they all fell over laughing until he went off the road, up a curb and took out a restaurant sign before coming to a halt in the bushes. See what I mean about funny but sad? Alot of people with Dave's desire for alcohol either go all-temperate or wither away as alkies. Dave with Connies guidance has become a one glass of wine a day guy, maybe a second at the very most. So why all this emphasis on alcohol? Well, Dave has become more than curious about how alcohol affects his idea streams and is locked on matching the best ones from WUI (writing under the influence) with WUIC (coffee). So here's an example:

I'm picturing the guy who calls home and tells his Mom that he's now a home owner and she thinks he said "I'm a homo" and she says" sapien or sexual?" and he thinks she's talking about his new couch and answers, "sexual, we wanted an occasional piece in the grand room", hoping for a laugh but instead got "I knew it when you were 3 and asked for a doll that wets her pants from Santa that year". And he cringed and started singing "nothing could be finah than to be in a vagi......" when she interrupted and remarked "you sing like Clarence Zellner", end of picture. I can't stop my leg.

OK, so it's not exactly F. Scott stuff yet, but remember, some of the people in Bahrain don't get satellite TV but the folks in Abu Dhabi do.