Craig's dad was a doorman on the Western Upside. He used to visit his dad after school and on holidays and from the time he could remember, Craig wanted to be a doorman when he grew up. But when Craig was 10, his dad and his mom split up because his dad started a new job in the city where his new girlfriend lived, so Craig didn't visit the Western Upside much after that. Craig developed a rash and on the day he was refilling his prescription for gentian violet he looked at the woman standing next to him at the light and it was a Leslie Gore look-alike. He started to talk to her but she got into a cab and left a carryall on the curb. Craig looked into it and saw a shitty address book like the kind banks used to give away before TARP. In it Craig saw a phone number 867-5309 but we already did that one so he kept thumbing through the pages until he got to a doodle of a mountain with a snowcap and a little square house at the base. But as he looked closer there was a pencil line drawn around the mountain making it look more like his dad used to look when he was bending down to pick up the soap in the shower. Craig wondered if his dad was now with a Leslie Gore look-alike. Instead, he went back to the phone number, thought about the song and who sang it then figured out Tommy Tutone was an anagram for tote my Muton which was the brand name for the carryall left at the curb. But after googling muton, Craig figured out that mutons are the smallest part of DNA in which mutations can occur. Then it hit him - why was he still using gentian violet when there are more effective antifungals? The eureka moment just happened - his doctor was worried about Craig developing a defective muton, effen up his DNA so he convinced Craig's dad to fake a divorce from his mom so that Craig would get the rash and be prescribed a muton-sparing medicine. It would have worked if the Leslie Gore look-alike didn't leave her Muton carryall on the curb. Craig eventually found his dad, convinced him he was mutation-free and somehow managed to get him his job back as a doorman on the Western Upside. They're all dining tonight at Buca di Beppo, Craig's mom's favorite haunt.