So I'm in the army reserves and the war is ongoing in Vietnam and I nearly got drafted so I opted for the lesser of ill-fates, weekend warrior. It was a horrible fit - I'm 20ish, I'm as much of a weekend hippie as a part-time soldier and I hated that monthly moustache-trim to above the upper lip and not to extend past the edges of my mouth and REALLY hated the military-style haircut. I get wind of these short hair wigs made of kanekalon for $30 and I get one. My hair is over my ears but only one month's growth and the trick of these synthetic pieces of shit is to tuck your real hair under the crappy elastic rim but my hair is so limp and fine that it slips under the elastic, so I coat my hair with dippity-do and clip it with bobby pins then cover it with the cut-off foot of pantyhose, THEN put on the wig that looks exactly like the Man from Glad. I manage to do this for a couple of reserve meetings and I'm feeling pretty smug that I'm beating the GI system. Next meeting Sgt. Something-ecki pulls me aside and says "The Major orders me to get rid of the wig" and I reply "Military regulations state that it is permissible to wear a wig if it is used to cover a deformity or in case of disease and I have a disease." Sgt. says "what?" and I say "alopecia". Meantime, we are put in formation and told to practice hand-to-hand combat drills and I'm paired up with my buddy Ike who is laughing his ass off because with every jerk and move, the wig is riding up with my cap on top of it and my greasy hair is showing on my neck. I hand him a rat-tail comb and ask him to push my hair back up under the wig and he's laughing so hard he can't do it. Fast forward to the end of this experiment which came when I got orders to report to Ft. Bragg for my final summer camp and that's another whole story for later, returning to where it began, concluding that any mind altering substance was acceptable to get you numb for FTA (the last two words are "the army".)